South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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