I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
