we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize