Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
