woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
