you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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