So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
