When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
