it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
