im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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