using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
