My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
