Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize