no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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