We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
