i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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