I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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