i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
