Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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