I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
