So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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