he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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