Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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