Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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