I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want to make out with him forever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
