i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
