my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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