Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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