How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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