and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
