I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize