it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
