if you like me you must not know who I am
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
