its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
