He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
