your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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