for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
