The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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