Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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