i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
