so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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