matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
