im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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