after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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