I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
