Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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