You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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