i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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