Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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