just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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