I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
