I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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