bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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