I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
