I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
