I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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