I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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