He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
