I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
