I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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