i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
