we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
why is half of my head shaved?
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