i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
