I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
