I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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