i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize