ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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