hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
