LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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