and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
