It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
