Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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