I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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