A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
