Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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