I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
