Sry I called you an 8
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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