She is in my trunk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
