The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How does it feel to date your dad?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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