You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
