He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
