Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
