He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
