I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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