I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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